fear of committment?

  german version

If only I could be lucky in love at last!

If you are visiting this website it may well be because you have a problem with your love relationship – or perhaps because you don’t have one.

Most people yearn for a partner to accompany them through life. A happy love relationship makes people feel safe and secure. But what factors determine whether we are lucky in love? Is it fate or chance, or is it us ourselves? Certainly, chance or fate plays a role in finding the right partner. However, recognizing that the right partner is there in front of us and that we can have a happy love relationship with him or her depends essentially on us. The fact is that some people keep running away from the right partner and running after the wrong one.

Some people have a habit of falling madly in love with a partner they are not entirely sure of, while finding partners who could easily be theirs somehow unattractive and boring. They often find that the person they idolized loses some of his or her attraction as soon as he or she really commits to the relationship. At that point, they begin to doubt whether that partner is really the right one for them and to wonder whether they might not find someone better.

Others, meanwhile, remain in marriages or long-term relationships that have become rigid and dreary, or where fierce quarrels are part of the daily routine.

Some people quickly feel hemmed in by permanent relationships, feeling that they will lose their personal freedom if they commit to someone permanently. Others in contrast are so badly afflicted by fear of loss and jealousy that they feel more pain than pleasure in a partnership. The feeling that they will lose their own selves if a partner comes too close to them torments both of these types. They only feel really free and authentic when they are alone. Others – unconsciously – always seek out partners who do not genuinely commit to a relationship with them. They feel immense love, pain, and longing. This leads them to cling for far too long to partners, or would-be partners, who make them unhappy.

If you recognize yourself in one of these scenarios, you could be suffering from fear of commitment.

What are the typical symptoms of fear of commitment?

Fear of commitment manifests itself in typical modes of behavior. If you recognize yourself or your partner in at least 5 of the symptoms described here, you are, or your partner is, very probably suffering from fear of commitment.

How can I rid myself of my fear of commitment?

The good news is that fear of commitment is curable. At least, in most cases it can be reduced to the extent that the sufferer feels more pleasure than stress in a love relationship.

What if my partner suffers from commitment phobia?

Partners of commitment phobes often feel desperate. They feel helpless and dependent and cannot stay away from their commitment-phobic target person.